Okay, I know everyone poops, and when the monster caterpillars took over our veggie garden they pooped all over, but I'd never really considered a spider. Yesterday, when I got home from work, I rolled the trashcan up to the side of the house. And while there under the roof overhang I felt a drop hit my forehead. It was sunny and cloudless so I was a little confused. I wiped the drop onto the back of my hand and was perturbed to see that it was milky white and I thought a bird crapped on me. But I looked up at the overhang, and there was no bird. I'd heard no flapping of wings. There was, however, a ginormous spider in a massive house-spanning web. Huge bloated brown monstrosity. Sometimes they're all legs, but this guy (gal, I guess) had a massive body, the legs were just little insignificant twigs.

I think that spider pooped on me.